And almost in the wink of an eye Mount St Helens
It was bigger than Mount Rainier before blowing a stack in 1980...and 15 miles away here is the consequence of it with some new growth as well.
In the midst of a valley of devastation I got distracted by a lake. Cavendish Primary School nature classes eat your heart out....
It was the contrast of colour and the fact that new life is really only just gaining a foothold.
But then you turn another corner and are hit by the scale of devastation even more - these are some of the trees
From this valley
And here is the Mount St Helens volcanic dome rising again slowly to blow in some unsuspecting birdwatcher's face.....
The surrounding mountain range...bottom left is the car park from which we ascended
the big one is Mount Adams I think...
And then in the absence of a re-established fully functional food chain, other than king tadpole, Washington has the fattest chipmunks ever
Bin climbing peaks all day time to find a new place to stay, bearing in mind the overall challenge of the holiday.
Cougar, population 122 yes...woohoo ...hmph not a hotel to be had just a store where the girl behind the counter giggled, we can only presume because we had all our own teeth.
What to do, lets see if there are any cabins next to Yale Lake
Nope, but what with the unseasonably warm weather and having walked too far from the car to walk back for more appropriate vestments. Thank god for M&S "sensibles".
Aw c'mon, P and I are of the generation who, if you forgot your PE bag, were required to do Scottish country dancing in vest and pants.
Then a man appears with a big gun and the pastor holding a bible and crucifix backed up by a pickup truck full of locals. Guess we won't be staying near here then.
So to Vancouver, Washington a temporary glitch in our holiday quest with a population of 162,400. Hotel bill $75. An uninspiring hotel chain but this was the evening sky.
And in the morning just down the road we find ourselves, according to P, in Middlesborough. Apologies to citizens of Portland, Oregon but I do get his drift.
On to the Oregon coast
And Lincoln City where it is the end of the season and there is a cake shop open, a shell shop that would not look out of place in Bridlington Harbour and a range of knick knack shops which make Blackpool look like a Gucci boutique. I think word must have got round about me and Ann Watson being trapped in the school toilets aged 5,
The public conveniences were for midgets. However these midgest would have to have two thirds of their body made up of legs 6 inches of a body and then just a head since the cubicle doors where 3 feet off the ground and only 2 and half feet deep, not to mention extra large gaps down the sides.
But our real mistake..wanting proper food...Aunt Mary's Toaster Bistro.
Strange but the psychedelic, sparkly purple, giant plaster penis just in the doorway should have alerted us along with crushed velvet tablecloths and bar managed by a descendant of Bella Emberg in a tartan bustier and black netting.
Then there was the green neon " Filthy" sign at the back accompanied by "Only people aged 21 and over allowed past this point". Slightly to the right, a fairground type toy you know the kind where you press the bottom and the little dog collapes in all sorts of different way's depending upon where you press, only in this case...... a naked bonking couple.
Hunger has driven many a man to do strange things and temporary deafness may be one of them but maybe it was, just to mix my metaphors, blind panic on P's part. It went like this:
Sharman swallows her giggles and calmly reads the Vegetarian menu on the bar which has no meat dish of any kind on it but a very specifically named sandwich which intimates at the response one apparently has when biting into it.
P glances distractedly at the menu while trying to consider what he would lose if he tried to back out now. Ever the gentleman when mein hostess approaches:
P
Are you selling food at the moment
Bustier Bella
Yes indeed
P
What would you recommend
Bustier Bella
Well see here on the menu the soup of the day is carrot, orange
and coriander. The hummus sandwich with garlic sauce and salad is
popular. But the "Fuck me that's good" sandwich is
delicious.
S
I will have the hummus wrap please
P
I'll have the chicken sandwich
S and Bustier Bella exchange utterly UTTERLY baffled glances.
At what point does "Fuck me thats Good" ever sound like "Chicken Sandwich"
S
Erm..there is no meat on the menu this is vegetarian
P
I'll have what you just said.
Bella Bustier settling into the role of cat presiding over an exhausted and tormented mouse teetering on the edge of the abyss of perpetual trundle wheels but just alive enough to react to the verbal prick (sorry couldn't resist).
So you want the Fucccckkkkk meeeee thayt's goooood sandwich
Mesmerised P gulps and nods. I guide him to a plush chair last occupied by Vincent Price introducing Hammer House of Horrors and order him a beer. He sits transfixed pretending he really isn't here while I am trying to work out what the antique van de graf generator looking thing with a piece of leather holding another giant penis could possibly be for. Trying to help him relax I profer....
S
Do you think that is an early version of a vibrator?
I'm not helping.
Lunch arrives and being pleasantly surprised but miles away from orgasmic P opts for another phrase beginning with the letter following F and thus reasserts his Englishness and equilibrium
P
Gosh that's good.
You don't believe me...
Even the table decoration is slightly phallic
Strange having a bust of Elvis in his last know resting place.....
Time to return to a comfort zone:
Our evening residence....fat chance
Instead a town which sounds like a sneeze...Yachats, population 617, $95 hotel bill and sat clean by these views.
Enter Jacqueline Coooostard
Then Dad made me put away my bucket and spade because it was sunset.
And on the way back up the cliff I saw my kind of house, who wouldn't want a roof like that.
After breakfast in the Green Salmon eco restaurant complete with a solar powered till, we set off down the coast to be teased by the sea mist.
And with all that scenery to look at....clearly positioned by someone suffering from ADHD or a blind man on a galloping horse. The bush was the view.
Then a screaming ab dab moment
Finally we get to some beach we can access:
Where's Wally aka Sharman...just to give you some idea of the scale
Then the sun came out
Then it went again
Another beach and it came out again
Do you remember in Star Trek when Captain Kirk in jaunty pants would come across an alien species and announce
"We do you know harm"
Then when no response came
"Men set your phasers to stun"
Then the alien species would start to glint, Rolf Harris would play a high pitched dirge on a souped up Stylophone and
Flash, bang, whallop, Kirk and team along with alien are transported to a different scene usually involving Doric columns and men in togas.
Well we came across this, note the glint
And exactly the same happened to P and I except the alien location was a hotel next to:
Forced to eat school dinners AGAIN in Brookings, Oregon. Hotel bill $63, population 5,447 all the original members of the cast of Cocoon (1985).
Next Sharman considers becoming an Ent.
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