Things wot I have lerned so far

New Year, new style, have a bath, put out the trash(my god I've turned), forget resolution but reflect on 20 things what I have learned thus far.

To break it up I have inserted some less than complimentary pictures of me.

1 You can only laugh so many times when erectile dysfunction adverts pop up (pardon the verb)
2 Not to feel sick when prostrate growth adverts appear complete with the slap of rubber gloves on hand just as you are drinking your beer
3a Ear plugs work for cutting out the tooting noise from the train sidings at 3 am but cannot protect you from Wagner Viking maiden noises above 30 decibels and the passionate couple next door attempting to break through the brickwork
3b You should think twice about going round to ask your neighbours what they put on their cornflakes or whether they have misunderstood the point of the ED adverts (see point 1)

4 You will have to repeat everything at least twice
5 You have to say lazargnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar everywhere you go not just to Romano grill novices
6 We definitely have the right elective system in the Uk if only to save boots, little children and pet chihauhaus from being chucked through the TV screens
7 Working 80 hours over a fortnight allowing every other Friday off is more civilised than you realise.
8 In the main US children and adults are many times more respectful in their interactions with strangers but
9 with the odd exception (usually wine waiters and New Yorkers) they really cannot spot irony if it stands up and smacks them in the face

10 American football is a game for nancies
11 Baseball is a game for insomniacs
12a Never let the lively horse be behind you on a trail ride
12b Never agree to sit on a horse called "Joker" (sorry no pics, batteries dead in camera)
13 A goat will eat your favourite Hull kingston Rovers hat if given half a chance
14 Colorado is cold
15 You will meet people as mad as you who agree to play rounders in November


This was a birthday cake for a 40th, the recipient had lost 2 and half stone since arriving in America thorugh sheer determination and despite 50 percent of adverts being about food and another 20 per cent on diet offers.

16 Never go out without anti mosquito and sun tan products
17 there is always a loophole in insurance
18 Playing tennis in January and getting your legs tanned is nice
19 I miss my family and friends even more than I could ever imagine

20 Sometimes your heart is right and your head is wrong (no surprises I hear you say)

I hope you like the new format and in case you hadn't guessed - I was both victim and perpetrator in the Texas Chainsaw massacre.

Next stop - The King - Memphis, Tennessee

Aha (lip curled over rhinestone belt), oh yeah.

Set me up a sasparilly Miss Kitty I just killed me a mountain lion

Happy New Year, here is my update from Xmas. Sometimes I get disheartened doing the blog on the basis that there do not appear to be words enough in my vocabulary to describe some of the great scenes and adventures. So mainly pictures again which I hope give you a sense of Christmas in Colorado. We drove again, up through Amarillo and New Mexico, then back via Kansas and Dodge City, and Oklahoma.

But I have to starting with a question for you to ponder - why the hell did Tony Christie even want to know how to get to Amarillo – Sweet Marie must have been a helluva girl!

Yes ladies and gentlemen - snow in texas - purely evidential this


Minihaha - That looks like a volcano.
Page turn in "Aberdeen Angus' guide to smelly cattle farms"
National geographic man - It is

Hurrah....

The first of the Rockies - Raton Pass which was closed the day before.

Christmas Eve - Day Break over Pikes Peak - colorado Springs - 7.30 am. Our view from the house we stayed in. The owner's view everyday! Check out VRBO.com Vacation Rental By Owners

It was so tedious watching the light change.

Garden of the Gods - inhabitant

Kissing Camels rock formation

Living proof that Americans can't count. Here are the Siamese Twins except there are three of them......

Being a little disingenuous there...who me??? From the other side this is the view through two of them

and the real point...

Coooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeee

AAAAAAAAAAAAAWESUUUUUUUUUUUUUM (squeakiest yankee voice possible)

This is all sayloons and casinos - Cripple Creek - still gold mining country and on the "backside" of Pikes Peak in the middle of nowehere.

The area is littered with wooden huts with mine shafts etc.

Victor the next town along has none of the glamour and is just a set of houses with people working mines and hoping to strike lucky.
Xmas day did not start off so sunny. The house you see is the one we stayed in.

We decided Xmas afternoon to go walking in the Cheyenne Mountains, after calling home to the girls who had successfully cooked Xmas Lunch, coped with my mum and washed all the pots and made it down to our friends to Skype,all by closure of Betty and her annual message.
The thin patch in front of the boulder is the path of compacted ice we were walking.

The Road goes ever on...

My bravest moment....there is a very large drop behind me.

This walk was meant to be a round trip for 3 miles and after high point we had headed right into forest. After 2 hours we bumped into only the second group of people who had a felt tip style tourist map but with GPS it all made sense to P who worked out they were walking in the opposite direction to where they thought but also managed to work out that ours was no round trip. It was 3.30 pm and we had seen a variety of paw marks in the snow and the woods were dense. So the only thing was to turn round and go back 'cept we had the same icy path to get down and did not fancy it in the dark,so we ran for a while.......and by the time we got back to the car in the valley it was dark.
Back in our palatial home complete with home cinema, full size ping pang table and that football thingy on rods P decided to check the route again and just general info. As I carved our roast beef which fortunately I had put on a slow cook he announces that the Cheyenne mountains is home to the mountain lion and black bear and their busiest times are dawn and dusk.....the mountain lion buries its kill to marinade a tad but gets very upset if anything/one goes near it...
The advice with black bears is to look big..........................................
YEAH RIGHT PEOPLE I DO THAT SO WELL.....
Boxing day - first to climb Pike's Peak and then head home
8,000 feet up looks like this, there is a lake under there somewhere.

We got stopped at 10,000 because road closed but they were working to open it

11,000 feet


13,000 feet and stopped at that point

Coing back down



What we think we might end up doing to our car!

And so off to Dodge City in Kansas which has to be the smelliest place and highest concentration of factory beef cattle in the US. Fitting you may think to end on a pile of s...e

Pensacola and back via the wrong side of the tracks

November’s travel blog covers 1600 miles in 6 days. It took us through Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida. It landed us in some spectacular beach scenes and Fort Pickens, Pensacola, Florida.

Whilst the destination was idyllic and we were swimming in the sea on 20th November, I struggle to be happy with certain aspects of this trip. I know I am a guest in this country which has already given me some real highs, I have been brought back to earth by images which I have not taken because I felt voyeuristic of people’s misery so here is just one and this is not the worst.

I had a friend in 1980 who described treating black and white patients in separate and diametrically opposed medical centres…no prizes for guessing which was air-conditioned and which was corrugated. Well not a lot in terms of basic living standards appeared to me to have changed and because we travelled alongside a railway much of the time living on the wrong side of the tracks is blazoned on my memory.
So to lift the mood here is a brief itinerary including some stuff that made us laugh, think and a little more educated.
Day 1 – travel to Vicksburg, Mississipi where General Jackson (Brickwall or was that Stonewall) of the Confederates surrendered. The big M is so impressive, but disappointing for me was that the giant paddle steamers weren’t paddling up and down, they are casino’s instead.

Vicksburg can also lay claim to being the first place where Coca Cola was bottled. Recent flood tribulations show history and nature repeat themselves relentlessly. I know I am short but....

Hmm if you still need warning against certain behaviours when you are Over 25…

Those guilty of 1 and 5 clearly need a permanent place in here!

Day 2 – Pensacola..yep another bijou residence on our books and with such a perfect beach nearby

Clearly this fella needed a warmer temperature.

Day 3 – Cruising into Mississippi again I could not resist this Adams family funereal car…there wasn’t anyone in it though I expected Gomez or Fester to wave!

I started off less flippant than usual

On the right of the above I-90 Mississippi coastal road is Katrina’s handiwork 2 years on. Without being voyeuristic there was nothing to take except shots of trees torn in two, concrete bases where houses and garages used to be, upside golden arches swinging in the wind, high schools still standing but with black gaping holes where the windows had been. In the absence of houses and communities, the authorities can be congratulated on getting the casinos up and running presumably on the principle that the Yankee dollar will bring prosperity to the area……
Day 5 the wrong track day continued and finally we ended up in Nacitoches (pronounced nackatouches) which is slap bang in the middle of sugar cane country….location for the filming of the Steel Magnolias

and the oldest European settlement in Louisiana. Known as Cane Country due to the river.

In the words of Forrest Gump..."That's all I have to say bout thaaaaat".