To break it up I have inserted some less than complimentary pictures of me.
1 You can only laugh so many times when erectile dysfunction adverts pop up (pardon the verb)
2 Not to feel sick when prostrate growth adverts appear complete with the slap of rubber gloves on hand just as you are drinking your beer
3a Ear plugs work for cutting out the tooting noise from the train sidings at 3 am but cannot protect you from Wagner Viking maiden noises above 30 decibels and the passionate couple next door attempting to break through the brickwork
3b You should think twice about going round to ask your neighbours what they put on their cornflakes or whether they have misunderstood the point of the ED adverts (see point 1)
4 You will have to repeat everything at least twice
5 You have to say lazargnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar everywhere you go not just to Romano grill novices
6 We definitely have the right elective system in the Uk if only to save boots, little children and pet chihauhaus from being chucked through the TV screens
7 Working 80 hours over a fortnight allowing every other Friday off is more civilised than you realise.
8 In the main US children and adults are many times more respectful in their interactions with strangers but
9 with the odd exception (usually wine waiters and New Yorkers) they really cannot spot irony if it stands up and smacks them in the face
10 American football is a game for nancies
11 Baseball is a game for insomniacs
12a Never let the lively horse be behind you on a trail ride
12b Never agree to sit on a horse called "Joker" (sorry no pics, batteries dead in camera)
13 A goat will eat your favourite Hull kingston Rovers hat if given half a chance
14 Colorado is cold
15 You will meet people as mad as you who agree to play rounders in November
This was a birthday cake for a 40th, the recipient had lost 2 and half stone since arriving in America thorugh sheer determination and despite 50 percent of adverts being about food and another 20 per cent on diet offers.
16 Never go out without anti mosquito and sun tan products
17 there is always a loophole in insurance
18 Playing tennis in January and getting your legs tanned is nice
19 I miss my family and friends even more than I could ever imagine
20 Sometimes your heart is right and your head is wrong (no surprises I hear you say)
I hope you like the new format and in case you hadn't guessed - I was both victim and perpetrator in the Texas Chainsaw massacre.
Next stop - The King - Memphis, Tennessee
Aha (lip curled over rhinestone belt), oh yeah.
1 comment:
Liking the new look to the blog.
Not sure I'd like that cake....way too much fruit. Though I guess I'd get through my 5 portions of fruit in one hit!
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