Disconcertingly I am starting to think I have come to Phallic Land...
Yep
A brief distraction….balancing rock…get away
Do you get a sense of the size
That is a giant’s face isn’t it
Albeit with Bell's palsy
and from the side
Did I tell you we turned up on the same day that Walmart had sponsored a trip for all those people who have been photographed in their shop?
Is this the inspiration for the “Hills have Eyes “
The chipmunks are very forward…
Another Walmart tripper, you can’t see her face but she was about 65.
It gets worse
Then the photo we daren’t take. There we are, just eating our ham and cucumber sandwiches, when there is the thrum of motorbike engine. The front wheel appears first, followed by a steering column shining brightly. Its silvery gleam cuts through the red desert dust. Five minutes later the rest of the bike appears topped by the Bonny and Clyde of the biker world, but only from a criminal perspective. He is the oldest, ugliest, skin and bone biker you have ever seen in your life. His passenger? The meanest, toughest biker bitch you would ever run away from, complete with deep red Mohican haircut, Miss Universe body circa last week, and the snarliest smile you would see this side of Manchester.
Now just a reminder, this is a Saturday morning. In addition to the Walmart pin ups bus trip, the entire Mormon Tabernacle choir is on a family retreat. Given the claims of multiple marriage and Osmond size families, that is one hell of group of contemplaters.
As Bonnie dismounts, she kills a passing tarantula with her spit. Clyde, meanwhile, attempts to steer the Forth Bridge into a parking spot. His lack of muscle tone shows, he should have just got off and let Bonnie pick it up and deposit it in a spot 50 yards away, it would have been less of a challenge for her than walking home with a big weekend shop.
So you are in the Arches National park, of what would you take pictures? Well it appears that Bonnie and Clyde, incited by the flagrant phallicism all around them suddenly remember they are this month’s photo editors for BBT (Biker’s Bitties and Titties). In an equally sudden flash of inspiration, they decide this is the perfect spot to nail the commission. Bonnie proceeds to sit backwards, straddling Clyde’s chopper, (there had to be some technical input) and lift her t-shirt to the gravelly tones of Clyde's
“Yeah baby, oh yeah, that’s good, yeah, up, up up"
Clyde snaps merrily away at a chest that Boadicea would have used for stabbing Hannibal’s elephants to death!
Phil's cucumber shrivels .................................................in its sandwich.
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches everywhere fall out of picnickers mouths. In honour of true British restaurant diners’ style, where nobody ever complains, not a single word is uttered in protest, and all the time the sun beats down and the wind whistles around the Good, the Bad and the Unbelievably Ugly.
Stay tuned for the tent that broke the camper's back.
