How Big????

It has been some time, eons in blogging terms. I am about 3 trips behind and have no excuse except I seem to have needed a lot of sleep!


I will try to keep it short and sweet for each one (yeah right).

21 in Key West and Miami (no not me…). This was my gift to Riona. Arriving 2 days before her birthday on 25th I had a full schedule ready.

The first being a fishing trip. Here she is at the wheel shortly before hitting the throttle and almost casting our host Ryan into the sea…he was at the front of the boat identifying a shoal of little fish to catch a big fish…..

My plan was to get strapped in to a captain's chair, tinnies in the cooler, feet up on the rail, sun on your back for at least 20 minutes, Jaws alarm rigged ... live bait attached by Riona and Phil independently,

Roisin and Sharman waving hands squeamishly at Ryan ...the best hook is through the eye...EEEEEEEEEUUUU!

Lower the hook, fix the rod in the fisherman's belt...what? Well its like a weight lifter's belt, you know the one that keeps all the tackle in place and acts as a back up to the jock strap and deep breaths.

Where was I?

Oh yes

Seek out the chair...settle down

Not a chance 2 chuffing minutes and Riona gets a bite and so it starts. Numero Uno:

Numero due - I thought mine was prettier (no not the face obviously)

Numero tre -

I resist the urge to comment when all P's are much smaller.....

And as if the sea knows Riona is having a birthday

Some sisterly competition

But now we start the serious stuff

I start to see the point of a belt and we (Riona) are 10 minutes in to the struggle. Ryan is beginning to think she is catching the bottom of the boat and will, with one mighty heave, tip us over, I'm thinking the Cracken (??) out of Pirates of the Caribbean..(that's pronounced Karribee Ann and not how normal people pronounce it Carrybeun).

I believe my bioligical identification skills are about to be proved superior

and we all, except Riona and Ryan, back away from the side of the boat...

20 minutes and Riona is about to put her back out hence the net and then we have a giant ugly bug..

25lb Goliath Grouper

P does his level best with a pink one but is upstaged by Roisin's bigger pink one but she is still not touching it...

 

Merrily we continue and after an hour of all the colours of the rainbow and snappy mackerel none of us has noticed that Roisin is missing. Riona is baiting up again and looking over the back of the boat:

Riona - Are those lots of little fish bits spat out by a bigger fish?

Ryan - Nope, I think thayt's yurrr sisturrrr

All eyes turn to the side of the boat and there is Roisin heaving her guts up over the rail in the most quiet lady like manner ever.

Time for home thinks Captain Birds Eye...

Oh and ok P did catch one biggish one....

Evening and the birthday girl legally knocks back a Mojito in one of the kookiest restaurants ever - Blue Heaven, Key West - does great jerk chicken

 

Day 2 - Snorkelling and kayaking from an Oyster schooner

A clown fish......

 

Accompanied by the dolphins

And of course the sunset..though this time I didn't cry

See didn't cry

So to Miami, the principle being that the girls could both now party in South Beach. I had forgotten how cute the buildings were:

And at night:

 

The party girls who managed to party until .....10.15 pm except one night when it was ooooohhhh 11.45

And it was Miami's equivalent of Gay Pride week so there was lots of partying, much flesh, oodles of mince and the odd person

Taking odd photographs.......

Our final day needed to be on the beach with all manner of creatures

And to finish the odd CSI Miami shot taken by Riona

Next stop Big Sky, Montana

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Tiring of Naples’ millionaire’s row hotels we needed to redress the balance so en route to Key West we stayed here in Tavernier just beyond Key Largo and Humphrey Bogart territory. Which was a little run down we thought.




It had all the usual luxuries…collapsed drawers and cacophonous air con but the view from the sun deck was as follows:



We were both overtired from wrestling with marshmallows and a future Gucci handbag so it did.

The remainder of the journey to Key West was….blue and spattered with bridges:





I knew Jamie Lee Curtis hanging from a helicopter after slaying the Persian artefact pirate was real life (True Lies), and now she advertises pro-biotic yoghurt as a way of saying she is gracefully if not digestively succumbing to old age



And the road went ever on



Until a stop at Bahia Honda which was in Florida blog no 1. But in case you forgot and still don’t believe it’s that blue:



Here photographic disaster nearly ensued plus the end of my life…not trusting another Yankee looking photographic expert(see Florida blog 1) to take a photo of us against the blue background I decided to test my Sony Imp’s timer by balancing it on an old crate (not my idea) which was wedged in a tree and then running to stand with P. But I caught the branch, almost caught the camera but it then landed lens down in the sand. Furious blowing ensued and some heart wrenching moments as a few grains crackled as the lens retracted….suffice to say if I had included the subsequent photo that was the culprit..and which features P’s copious sunburn…he would have sold me as bait at a water moccasin convention.

And so to Key West…how can you sum it up in a phrase…well the one in the ladies’ toilet of the Schooner Wharf bar is a good start…

“Don’t sweat the petty things just pet the sweaty things”

Additionally Key West is known as the Conch Republic and in 1986 when the US government blockaded the Keys because of Cuban migrant issues it seceded from the Union, declared war on the Federal government, surrendered and then applied for international aid!

Let’s here it for the little people and wonky lamp-posts



This is the best way to see Key West but I have never ridden a fix wheel bike...I wore out my pumps!



Parking is metered at the same rate as Kensington and Chelsea.

Remembering our priorities – booming property portfolio first





Stopping off for a lunchtime Margarita in the Schooner Wharf bar




and to check out marine type assets


Ancient



And modern



Then time to re-fuel with proper Jamaican Jerk chicken and Red Stripe at the Blue Heaven



Which had this running round the yard



practising his stud muffin skills on all the females also in the yard...Not good as you sink your teeth into one of his spiced up former conquests.

Here comes some more culture and education



Key West is the southernmost point of the US



Key West is the origin of the “why did the chicken cross the road jokes



Ernest Hemingway had a home here,



which he also offered as a haven to cats and the society still does. Some of them have the genetic mutation of five toes..it can’t be seen that well here but on the left front paw if you look closely you can just see it peeping out the back.



According to the guide who seemed to look like and drink the same amount of whiskey out of a hip flask as his hero



Hemingway appears to have loved a number of women and also for me had an unhealthy obsession with birthing stools> Also check out the lino! He was one of Picasso's pals.



And for those of you who thought I was just a “wild” child…Charlie Dimmock wear your vest out….










Florida is almost done but here is a community announcement:-

When in strange places always check your tuffet before sitting down in case you encounter one of these



Sharman

PS - I did go back the next night to get another shot but I didn’t cry this time