The Desert Minx Part 6 - Colgate Man

The night passes and P is discussing trip abandonment and I am ignoring him. 3 cushions and lots of pills and we set off for Bryce Canyon...I end up kneeling on the floor in the footwell as it is a comfortable place to be...P is now responsible for driving and both P and R for photography ... I just keep hearing wow. Here are their efforts

Hang on a minute we've only gone round the corner of a mountain

And then another

And

and just as you settle down to the landscape

The storms they are a coming

Here we are

But they have closed it because that storm was snow and fog and ice…….


We head for lunch and it is gloomy. There is one place along the way, Hatch and everything in it is owned by the same family. We decide to stay here for the night too but can't book into the hotel because the entire family are having a lunchtime nap.


So lunch ...I have not got out of the car since we left Fruita, and I actually can't seem to summon the energy to brave that initial spike up and down my right hand side so P insists on carrying me to the doors of the restaurant where I insist he puts me down and he and Riona drag me, while I drag my right leg. But I can't sit at the table and have to lay down on the bench ...the waitress gives me a strange look as I lay on the seat and pop up to order soup...that's rich for a place where everyone has the same name and looks the same.

Come 2 pm we can book a room and ask for downstairs, so they give us a wheelchair access door...but we can't go in it as they haven't finished cleaning so I sit in the car while P and Riona do the laundry...emerging from time to get instructions about socks...

Once inside I lay on the bed and Riona revels in being able to have a bath. I plan the military manouevre for my immersion which is basically on all fours again and performing the equivalent of a high jumper's roll over the edge of the bath...it is the only time I have been pleased that the US seems to favour the low slung 18 inch "deep" bath.


P and Riona go out on the town...to the pizza place to pick up and we settle down to watch truly crappy fuzzy TV.

A new day and P takes the executive decision to divert to a hospital, the nearest being Cedar City, it is brilliant sunshine then we drive through......... freezing rain and snow and a 20 degree drop in temperature. The blurring is the windscreen not my pills.

We hit a traffic jam in a canyon…the only road through…and which is brown

and high, then orange

And then Cedar City and it’s beautiful cathedral style vaulted ceiling looking like it was just erected yesterday. I am wheeled in...and discover we have not got our medical insurance with us but the bountiful hospital swipes our credit card anyway. We Yorkshire folk gulp... and allow ourselves to be ushered into a private room and the TV is turned on for us, I have my blood pressure taken and we settle down to wait for the main man



There is a blinding flash of light as Colgate Man walks in with his Ring of Confidence smile and Barry White voice. Being unworthy he manages to diagnose what is wrong without even touching me and finishes with:


- hey will you promise me you will see an orthopaedic surgeon in Fort Worth, is that a deal Shaaaaarman?




He has prescribed anti inflammatories and a shot of morphine to settle the agony.


Nurse Kato returns ..I didn't know learning a karate chop was part of administering a hypodermic of morphine and I am sure I don't have an a..e made of elephant hide to warrant it either.


But 2 minutes later

An hour later I walk carefully out of the place on two feet not sure whether my weightlessness is to do with a significantly lighter wallet


We decide to stay in Cedar City..it is a Monday or  "lock your doors" day for the restaurant business.


Back in another hotel I take more pills, 4 hours after the last lot. Thank God I am still relatively pain free to get to the bathroom and not projectile vomit from the bed...jeez how strong are these pills. Night!