Glen Campbell - one night only but not after 10 pm

You know Wichita is not far from us and I haven’t seen any linemen wearing the appropriate helmet and tool belt up telephone poles tapping housewives wires, just official looking guys in dusty black suits …..Where is this going you could justifiably ask…. Galveston actually 309 miles south on the Gulf of Mexico. Not content to claim U2 as their own the US also has Greece, Paris and Palestine within it’s remit, honest we went through them all. Anyway we went there to buy another gaff

and ended up inside this for a beer.

It also has a bijou restroom I didn’t realize how bijou ‘til I sat down

and could still see the tattooed ladies applying ……lippy….I think. P had just had a brief encounter with them as they strutted onto the deck of Woody’s, 15 year old daughters with attitude is one thing, mature ladies with the big A, and I know what you are thinking……. 6 ft of rugby player does fit under a bar stool when the need arises.
When we arrived I thought we were looking at the North Sea…Bridlington but at 86 degrees.

Swimming in the sea, isn’t it lovely when once you have got out you don’t have to don a gum shield to stop you biting through your tongue as you judder under your towel and risk poking your eyes out with the goosebumps which burgeon on your whitey purpley arms. Last day the wind whipped up apparently there was a hurricane 100 miles out to sea.

Never have my legs stung so much from the sand blowing up the beach, sure there is a depilatory/body wrap patent lurking in there somewhere – Dead Sea mineral treatments… pah for wimps… And so to the educational side – Galveston is an island with bayous. It was almost wiped out by a hurricane 107 years ago when it was dominated by a small number of rich families all of whom to their credit helped rebuild the island with true Victorian patrionist zeal.

See the historic sector where we added to our expanding property empire (I need a rest from the beach house balcony sometimes) and also our mosquito bites. We also ate in the historic neighbourhood – and listened to bands playing in the bar…I still have not conquered my urge to burst into “Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz” and I always have to finish it because there is a great hound dog kind of yowl halfway through…very cathartic.
The bands brings me to another contradiction about my hosts that challenges me ….2 tons of metal at fast speeds in the hands of 16 year olds, “Guns are Us” and yet the latest we have seen a band play is 10 pm and the Elvis impersonator of all time (well he would be wouldn’t he) is performing at the Glass Cactus starting at the unholy hour of... 5 pm…does everyone have to go in for “us teas” before 10.30 or else they turn into pumpkins? It was surreal though being in the US sitting outside a Greek restaurant on the Gulf of Mexico eating Baklava, drinking Turkish Coffee listening to Elton John haing just been in the antique centre where there was a 1970’s melamine tray from the Yorkshire Dales on sale…
On our way back we took in NASA Space centre though I am amazed we got there with such help as shown

Roisin acquired her prize posession of all time ..an astronaut soda (fizzy pop to you) bottle to prove it. I touched a piece of the moon (yes I know I was already touched by it) and we were able to see into the space station and the guys working up there live. P explained the purpose of helium spheres and generally had an engineer’s hypo which culminated in him crashing the space craft a couple of times in the test environment….he claims it was a dodgy gear stick. 6 hours went by without us even noticing.

And finally to Houston…big buildings…We had a great meal in a restaurant in the Montrose district noted for antiques, arty shops etc.. 3 guys sat next to us made Graham Norton and Julian Clary look like Rocky Marciano.. if campness were reflected in shoulder pad size (yes I know that’s Dallas but they weren’t there) they could only enter buildings with garage door access.
And finally to round off to (can you guess)where it is

This was not part of the Galveston road trip.

Roisin and I risked arrest for you to get this shot (Pardon the pun). The Book Repository Museum was very good. Sobbing children of the 60’s and amateur ballistics experts in their Sunday “sports” patterned (fishing rods, footballs, marine wildlife type of thing) shirts and sneakers were a little distracting but the storyboard style display made it easy to absorb. I do have a sneaking envy for those who were teenage/adult in those days only being the literal child of the Sixties.
Look away now if easily scared this last section is me attempting to conquer my fear but instead shattering glass for 200 hundred miles. Fortunately there is no photographic evidence of this. NRH2O water park (NR stands for North Richmond).. A water based roller coaster for which two of you sit in a “dingy” and are pushed off from a very great height..Friends and daughter went before us, recognized the scream half way down and at the bottom witnessed our expulsion with only P’s legs and head on view. My strategy had been to get as low as possible, what a futile exercise that was. After the first drop I was told that was it, the worst is over……lying SOB. The first anyone really saw of me was as I crawled out muttering “Holy S..t”. Never ever ever ever, to the power of 1 million, again. I am still applying cream to my skinned cocchis. I don’t need adrenalin pumping round my system that fast it makes me all unnecessary.
By the way the wee ones have finally flown but not before we got the shot we wanted..

And finally I have to admit Texas does dragonflies and sunsets really well.




And the Wichita Line man is still on the Liiiiiiiiiiine da da da da da da da da
Better still here's the real thing....
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Just him and Me and We are proud to be grandparents.

Thought I’d throw in a Daily Star type headline to attract attention….actually it’s three baby boar swallows nesting in our porch and a baby gecko, stand at ease Heidi, that wandered in from the balcony and almost got hit with a John Grisham. As technical director I was key to the geckos safe removal….lifting my legs off the floor then jumping when it shot under and out from under the TV table etc, giving Phil an animal handling development opportunity gathering it up in a sieve with a paper trapdoor below. Ratifying his suggestion that we don’t leave the balcony door open do we…just in case next time it is a black widow. And talking of bugs I availed myself of the apartment complex bug man service. We went through a phase of being bitten really badly, no cats and dogs about etc but thought for good measure book them.
First question was “Have you seen it” to which I wanted to say “Is it on the trolley, can you point to it” but my stony ground image reared up and stopped me.
“What should I have seen”,
“A bug”,
“No just a feeling, though there has been the odd orange one bout ½ inch in size”.
Snort followed by “That’s a dune bug…..”
“Well should I be worried about them ???? Do they bite?”
“They’re from the outside, they die when they come in.” (Aren’t all bugs from the outside?).
“You got a dawg or a caat?”
“No just a man” Huge sigh…wanders around spraying all the edges with his little portable can and spray.
Conclusion....for the bug man to get excited it has to have appeared on British TV advertising insurance or be able to survive a nuclear explosion and ice age, have large antennae sort of thing and then scuttle and generally disappear when you switch on the light……NOT IN MY KITCHEN SCUSE ME.
Maybe I will experience his job satisfaction from hereonin because we have just had a weekend that was the first 100 degrees weekend and I have managed to make my legs go brown - you beautiful fair skin folk will understand the level of achievement here. I have tried to be responsible in this, building up slowly so 9 weeks not bad I think....Burnt my bum on the side of the sun lounger though and P burned finger ends when he first picked one up that had been left in direct sunlight for about 5 minuteswithout a towelling cover.
This was direct contrast to last week, our first major road trip..we did the bank holiday style weekend away with torrential rain…in San Antonio…allegedly four hours drive away. First picture coming up, found a reason to make an ambitious conversion.

Next two... For me if the boats were less gaudy the River walk would be even prettier.

My girls would be proud of me up the tower in a lift on the outside which was built for the 1968(?) World Fair. P was impressed and wondered if I would have the screaming ab dabs when I felt the darn thing sway..
the earth did move for me but I managed to keep my reaction under wraps.
The Alamo was the other reason for going

and the mustachioed chappy within.
I had hoped to get my big brother a Davy Crockett hat to replace the one our old boxer dog mauled in about 1967 but he and my other brother will have to make do with a mention of being there in spirit in the visitor's book. The quality of tourist products these days...and the fact that my brother's head is not the size it was when he wore short trousers. There were 15 Englishmen in the Alamo and I think 3 Scotsman and a couple of Welshman too...we were impressed.
Had dinner on Friday night in an old brothel come general store known as Liberty’s. Everything was on a slant, bar, walls, ceiling, floors etc. The most cosmopolitan place we have seen yet in Texas. It was also the longest we have been allowed to sit at a dinner table. Saturday night on the River walk was a combination of polite Hull City Centre Friday night rowdiness and traditional Mexican bands serenading diners. The trumpet playing was v melancholic.
Sunday we bought a new gaff in the German district ...
Then the drive home, the last time I gripped the dashboard in such a way was reversing down an almost single track, hairpin, dust road on the Susten Pass in Switzerland this was because the enormous spaghetti fuelled Fiat driver in front of us tried and failed dismally to apply mouth to engine resuscitation to his van which could not carry three of him up a 1 in 3 and so had commenced a reversing death slide, and hell anyways handbrakes are only for turns into parking spaces in the middle of Rome. Photo is a bit blurred to show full extent of cause of white knuckle ride but this went on for 30 minutes.
The photo is not taken at the deepest point as I was trying to tell where the edge of road was while P tried to judge the middle…did you know that fan belts whistle and slip when they get wet and it actaully only takes 6 inches of flowing water to move a 2 ton car (sorry...actually some of you probably do know that now). Like Hull there are counties in Texas awaiting the approval of federal funding to fix the flood damage.
Last one is the sunset over the Trinity River which is next to our apartment.
I had forgotten to mention the magical creatures for me…the fireflies at dusk, can’t capture them on film as shutter speed to slow. But they fill me with the same joy as fireworks..Simple soul I hear you say.
Oh and the HIM AND ME bit of the title…the name of the dentist with whom we have registered. Whilst a reference to the number of people at the practice I think it will be used as the opener when presenting the bill…That’s just $2,000 for the scale and polish. Bye to y'all and have a good conference to those to whom it means anything. xx

Top of the seen it all list..

Hmm, this may be a bit of a mega entry. Sorry not to have kept it up to date.

Have just become the proud owner of a Fort Worth Library card. The first "borrowing" appears to be a test as you can only take out 5 items....after that upto 50. This includes dvds and videos at no extra charge. Library seems v busy, maybe partly because the kids are off school (may 25th until beginning sept I think). Might also be because P and I find ourselves in a relatively affluent area of town near a university...see just can't get away from them.



To be very English for a while…we appear to have brought the English bank holiday weather to Texas only it’s bigger and wetter. The storms are those out of the Hollywood scary movies genre they are not made up.



Saturday we went for a bike ride in it..and it was great fun riding in the rain and being warm at the same time. After 2 hours the novelty had worn off as the last leg of our journey the rain was horizontal. I gained top marks in the mature ladies Ms wet M&S t-shirt competition. Phil acquired brown leather coloured tatooes in a sort of sandal shape. The apartment manager felt all her fears about the English were confirmed and waits to see a) whether we will get a dog and b)what we will do in the midday sun.


We have been exercising our “English” touch(ed) demeanour in restaurants too – Macaroni Grill – South University Drive…bright eyed Rich’s first day on the job..P and Sharman sitting at the table which is covered in clear drawing paper (the stuff you got at primary school, shiny side and a rough side). Sharman also has blue wax crayon (yep you guessed ..just like the ones you used to get in prim..etc etc etc). Rich looks at crayon, Sharman looks at crayon then looks at Rich, Rich looks imploringly at Sharman, Sharman looks at P and grins, P looks at Sharman grinning, Sharman looks at Rich and Rich still looks imploringly.

Sharman: Guess you want the crayon back? Was hoping I could draw with it

R: Yes ma’am please if you could just….

Sharman reluctantly hands it over. This is the queue for Rich’s opening speech whilst starting to write his name on the piece of paper upside down:

R: Hi my name’s Rich and this is the first time I have done this, bin practicing all day. Yup got it right. Phew. Do you know how Macaroni Grill works with drink. We open this bottle (size of a bucket) and you pour out the glasses of wine and at the end of the evening you tell us how many glasses you have drunk and we charge you $3.50 a glass.

During pause for breath, Pand I grin at each other again the inference being - Can you imagine what would happen in Hull -…how would the charming boys and girls refill it under the table so it looked as if they had only had one glassful.

We order Peroni. Rich goes away.

Rich returns, half smiling half trying to remember the next phase of his script….see cogs going in Rich’s head ….should he laugh at P and I having written our names too so we can each read the other’s. Rich is gracious and ignores the schoolboy/girl sniggers but the panic has not gone from his eyes….

Rich: Have you guys decided what you want
P and S: Yes
Rich: before you go ahead can I recommend the specials, they are so oarrrrsuuuum (say it as it is spelled). the fish of the day is…
P and S: No thanks
Rich: the pasta dish of the day is…..
P and S: No thanks
Rich: the meat dish of the day is ….
P and S: No
Rich: and we have the other special……
P and S: No
Rich: would you like a starter,
P and S: Nope..
Rich: do you want any iced tea
P and S: Nope
Rich: how about some water
P and S: N..we mean Yes
Rich: do you want lemon or lime
P and S: whatever
Rich: do you want a salad
P and S: Nope
Rich: what kind of dressing would you like with that ?we have..and …and …..and….and …..and….and….oh you don’t want one. I see your names are “what”….Sherman???? Do you want bread it’s really gooooooooood. You doo??? (momentarily knocked off course)…..So what you guys like to eat?
P: Double meat ball lasagne
Rich: say what?
P: Double meat ball lasagna
Rich: Scuse me?
S Points on the menu
Rich: Oh the larssaaaaarnyaaaaaaaa.
S momentarily tempted to do Pink Panther Clouseau “That is what he said” but determines this is stony ground territory.
Rich bounces off and returns with bread, screeching to a halt with the same awkward smile as before when he sees Sharman has stuffed P at noughts and crosses…..with the blue crayon.
We eat the bread and are only half way through it when main course arrives, we realize that the game of hangman in which P got well and truly hung is what held us up. We think Rich might have …. Kinda… gotten used to us by now but that nervous smile just won’t wipe from his face. We ponder on whether the double meat ball refers to they’re being meatballs inside and outside the larssaaaaarnyaaaaaaaa sheets or that it actually meant a double sized portion……
Conclusion:

P gets a doggy bag and indigestion.
Sharman surrenders the crayon reluctantly and is a little distressed that P can’t remember being taken in Waggama noodle bar (hangman). Rich resigns and joins Alcoholics Anonymous.


And last thing because you will be exhausted and bored by now….We have passed our Texan driving test (theory and practical). You get there at 7.30 in the morning, race for the desk. Get a sheet and sit in a queue in your car around the back of the building until you are at the front of the queue. You do 50 foot reverse and parallel park in front of all those others waiting to take their test (P mortified to be on public display), Sharman initially gleeful because she is last in the queue (because she failed the theory first time the day before…don’t ask). P waits in the car with her and we both watch in amazement as the woman two cars in front in the queue and possibly on camera, takes her hand brake off and lets her car roll backwards into the car behind….that currently tops the “seen it all list”!



Hope you like the picture of the apartment and views from it plus a view of the river down to Downtown.