To be fair if our own former leader Norman Major could ever be represented as a house then the childhood home of George W would be a great contender. Despite being dark (was I ever gonna make the effort to go there during the day as a planned event) you could see the house is very "grey and suburban", Margaret Thatcher's dad's grocer's coat was probably the same colour as well.
We were actually halfway to Big Bend National Park at the "bottom" most part of Texas on the Mexican border which is formed much of the way by the Rio Grande. It takes 12 hours solid driving to get there hence our need for overnight entertainment in Midland town, followed by a gentle let down from such giddy heights via an audio book of PD James "The Lighthouse".
One of the first views:
Camp One - Rio Grande Village, the biggest but with no showers
The bear cabinet is for these, which we heard each night snaffling about in the stream behind our tent.
The view from the campsite is this
And it isn't until you get nearer that you realise that is Mexico with the Rio Grande in between with
And some of those real people waiting to:
a) catch a fish
b) sneak across under the cover of darkness to collect the proceeds from the arts and crafts they put on the US side the night before
c) sneak across to try to conquer the desert on the US side of the border having braved the Chihauhaun desert
d) signal to the local drug smugglers that that stretch of border is clear for them to try their Hummers up the canyon
e) let this guy know he has customers
I found this incredibly funny and sad and could get very political about the fact that everyone is happy to pay the illegal immigrant population a pittance to garden, collect vegetables etc on the US side and then shop them if it looks like they may get fined. Well here is me cocking a snoop and being semi illegal
Back at base camp being in the land of baked beans, wind breaking and "spidding"on tarantulas, P took it upon himself to fine tune the art of sneezing wasabi nuts through his nose whilst playing that well known card game of skill and memory known even to Omar Sharif as "Shithead" ; I added spice by being tiddly (trashed is for those who can get beyond two glasses) on a 50th birthday (not mine) bottle of champagne and attempting to cover most of Mexico in "spag bol".
Time to move on to our next campsite but not before showing you one of the ugliest birds ever. a baby Kookaburra.
Just kidding..a baby road runner.
Camp two - Chisos Mountains
Famous for the Emory Peak and
The Window
More of which in a bit. Meantime we have a blustery night ahead of us. Note the position of the tent, see any trees and snug little walls protecting us?
We didn't bother to check either but lets go off and climb Emory Peak, great views
Great wildlife
More great views
8 miles later, well what a great day, I'm tired. Lights failing - better get the food a cooking, that be a strongish wind that there be. Stick some more rocks on the guy ropes.
That wind be gettin stronger that be, I can't get me chicken wrapped in bacon to cook. Hmm, well I'll wrap meself around the one ring camp stove see if I can generate enough heat while not becoming a human BBQ.
Nope not working very well, get behind this wall and reduce the height of the camp stove to the floor.
Coo its' awfully dark at ground level, I'll put me headlight on, never mind the snorts of derision from P...oh look spiders coming out parading round my hand.
Why is P wrapping himself round our storm lantern style gas light ...oh we are in the middle of the wrong sort of storm and it won't stay alight without a human shield.
P, erm P there is a spider crawling round my hand and I can't get up as the tea won't cook, can you come and get rid of the spider PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE, yes it is quite big but it's not the big ones that you need to worry about IS IT?
Oh the lights gone out...no don't stamp it might be my hand.
Whaddya mean it's because I blinded you with my headlamp?
And whose idea was it to bring healthy bloody wild rice which takes as along to cook as driving to Fort Worth and back?
Oh mine right.
Well we did it in the end and so to bed. That wind is a whistling and a howling. Are we sleeping inside a drum?
No we're sleeping in half a drum, the other half is resting intermittently on P who has meantime discovered his earplugs which allow him to stand next to a flight test engine with a million pounds of thrust but do not block out wind noises.
And so we toss and turn and turn and toss all night under half a tent as it is pointless trying to fix the tent back up as it will just not go.
Gee morning, fully rested not. Just a short walk today, 4 miles round trip to The Window and back at sunset. No sun, never mind we'll go anyway. Take a few pictures of cacti whilst we wait:
Ok let's go.
What's up this bit to the right... great views
Is that really a 1,000 foot drop on my left? Do I look that spooked?
I think the view is worth it???
Now back to the Window,
Watch yourself on that cactus
I said watch yourself on that cactus
you've caught yourself on
And so to the Window, the exit point of a river, with extremely smooth stone and another 1000 foot drop
So I will stand this near
At this point I must have been using the zoom function
I would now show you a picture of a tense person but generally he wishes to remain like Zorro. Picture the scene, we have seen nobody in two hours except a woman in Barbie pink who had just realised she had taken a wrong turning out the perfume counter at Macy's and was no longer doing her routine workout in a shopping mall ( I kid you not, they do literally work out round shopping malls by walking the entire internal circumference, taking in the door and window spaces).
I digress, we are 2 and half miles down a canyon and the night is drawing in and then there's voices....and then there's two characters out of Deliverance standing there complete with hand guns on show...and there's a 1,000 foot drop and there's vultures. It would be so easy:
- click, click
- bang, bang
- topple, topple
- splat, splat
- Caw, Caw
- salt and pepper, dash of tabasco
- peck, caw, peck, caw
P & S NOMORE!
Do I conduct a citizen's arrest due to the felonious nature of carrying a firearm in a National Park?
Is there any point in backing away slowly?
Shall we just wait to see if they slip off the Window ledge where they have now positioned themselves with their legs swinging over the chasm?
- Gee I think we should be headin back, it's kinda creepy walking the canyon in the dark.
But you have a bloody gun (I think). And they mosey on back up the trail.
Not content to have one brush with death P then decides that he should try to sit on the Window ledge. Then realises just how slippery it is ....
And I almost cry.
Heading to Camp Three - Cottonwood and St Elena Canyon
The clouds had come down
Some amazing rock formations
And then our first sighting of the St Elena Canyon up which we were hoping to kayak
We stop off at the Cottonwood Ranger Station and shop which is one of the original border forts and still has the bank and post office inside, complete with metal bars across the counter.
To help us, Mrs Overall in ranger uniform, complete with head shake and blank gaze, informs us that the nearest place to hire a kayak is at Blue Creek and, when we ask because she has a big map,
- Can you point to it
It most certainly isn't on the trolley, I mean map, she is points to a completely blank space with literally nothing in it.
Ranger Smith turns up so we are a little more hopeful, but
- Well I'll see you layder darlin' take care
And promptly they give each other a great smacking kiss on the lips and hug like he's off to drive a 1,000 head a cattle east of the Pecos. I know it's dangerous collecting a $14 camping fee from Canadians in mobile mansions but come on.
We give up to go make camp in 92 degree. We are no longer in the hills but on a site where there is only one drinking water tap at the far end of the camp which contains only 60 gallons for the day because it is all recycled. All the toilets are a deep hole in the ground contained in an immaculately clean little covering, with a wind system to disperse the smell and take you by surprise when you sit on the pot for which I need a ladder.
Half of pensionable Canada smirks from their overflowing water, integral toilet, lofty, over-sized baked bean tin accommodations.....
And we have the luxury of deciding because it is so warm that we will sleep with the fly sheet off. But not before adventuring again, trying to find a canyon, kayaks and our first shower in 4 days.
Our first view
Heading down
The view as you emerge
And the canyon in the sunlight
We find a member of a kayak company who informs us it will be $400 for the trip but we won't get to paddle ourselves or ride the rapids so we stuff that for a game of soldiers and head for our next quest...showers.
In case you were wondering why we weren't going au naturelle in the water....lots of people die in the Rio Grande because it ...swirls, big swirls, drag ya under n'all.
Our view on the way back
Aah, clean tush, clean M&S's, flask of PG Tips and going to sleep under stars watching the Milky Way slowly "caramelising" over the sky - bliss.
Next morning the start of our epic journey back.
- Erm Sharman I think you might not want to get out of the tent yet. There is a spider just trying to steal our car.
- Well take a picture of it then.
- ^%^%%$*&)(_))((**&^&%$££ likely.
And so to the road, GULP....
And this goes on for miles, subtly changing colour and only you and PD James to witness it
Then you come to
With a top $ shopping facility
where
It is like all the 60's hippies needed somewhere to go with their trappings
It is denifitely the strange landscapes that attract
Time for lunch so let's stop here in the middle of nowhere
The land of who has the biggest cactus
Where someone thought it would be an ideal place for giant metal teepees
To dine on Heinz tomato soup in the gerat outdoors...oops it's a tin of diced tomatoes. Having been out in the sun for too long P regards this as a delectable proposition. I resort to a childhood mealtime saviour ....crisp sandwiches.
Luxury
Off we set again past an elephant
And so to the last overnight stop. Balmorrhea, the largest spring fed open air pool in the world. Which we would have gone in and where we would have camped if there had not still been a force ten gale blowing.
So we survived real cowboy country and some of the most cruel and starkly beautiful countryside.
Oh and PD James The Lighthouse......well it wasn't the butler.
