Top of the seen it all list..

Hmm, this may be a bit of a mega entry. Sorry not to have kept it up to date.

Have just become the proud owner of a Fort Worth Library card. The first "borrowing" appears to be a test as you can only take out 5 items....after that upto 50. This includes dvds and videos at no extra charge. Library seems v busy, maybe partly because the kids are off school (may 25th until beginning sept I think). Might also be because P and I find ourselves in a relatively affluent area of town near a university...see just can't get away from them.



To be very English for a while…we appear to have brought the English bank holiday weather to Texas only it’s bigger and wetter. The storms are those out of the Hollywood scary movies genre they are not made up.



Saturday we went for a bike ride in it..and it was great fun riding in the rain and being warm at the same time. After 2 hours the novelty had worn off as the last leg of our journey the rain was horizontal. I gained top marks in the mature ladies Ms wet M&S t-shirt competition. Phil acquired brown leather coloured tatooes in a sort of sandal shape. The apartment manager felt all her fears about the English were confirmed and waits to see a) whether we will get a dog and b)what we will do in the midday sun.


We have been exercising our “English” touch(ed) demeanour in restaurants too – Macaroni Grill – South University Drive…bright eyed Rich’s first day on the job..P and Sharman sitting at the table which is covered in clear drawing paper (the stuff you got at primary school, shiny side and a rough side). Sharman also has blue wax crayon (yep you guessed ..just like the ones you used to get in prim..etc etc etc). Rich looks at crayon, Sharman looks at crayon then looks at Rich, Rich looks imploringly at Sharman, Sharman looks at P and grins, P looks at Sharman grinning, Sharman looks at Rich and Rich still looks imploringly.

Sharman: Guess you want the crayon back? Was hoping I could draw with it

R: Yes ma’am please if you could just….

Sharman reluctantly hands it over. This is the queue for Rich’s opening speech whilst starting to write his name on the piece of paper upside down:

R: Hi my name’s Rich and this is the first time I have done this, bin practicing all day. Yup got it right. Phew. Do you know how Macaroni Grill works with drink. We open this bottle (size of a bucket) and you pour out the glasses of wine and at the end of the evening you tell us how many glasses you have drunk and we charge you $3.50 a glass.

During pause for breath, Pand I grin at each other again the inference being - Can you imagine what would happen in Hull -…how would the charming boys and girls refill it under the table so it looked as if they had only had one glassful.

We order Peroni. Rich goes away.

Rich returns, half smiling half trying to remember the next phase of his script….see cogs going in Rich’s head ….should he laugh at P and I having written our names too so we can each read the other’s. Rich is gracious and ignores the schoolboy/girl sniggers but the panic has not gone from his eyes….

Rich: Have you guys decided what you want
P and S: Yes
Rich: before you go ahead can I recommend the specials, they are so oarrrrsuuuum (say it as it is spelled). the fish of the day is…
P and S: No thanks
Rich: the pasta dish of the day is…..
P and S: No thanks
Rich: the meat dish of the day is ….
P and S: No
Rich: and we have the other special……
P and S: No
Rich: would you like a starter,
P and S: Nope..
Rich: do you want any iced tea
P and S: Nope
Rich: how about some water
P and S: N..we mean Yes
Rich: do you want lemon or lime
P and S: whatever
Rich: do you want a salad
P and S: Nope
Rich: what kind of dressing would you like with that ?we have..and …and …..and….and …..and….and….oh you don’t want one. I see your names are “what”….Sherman???? Do you want bread it’s really gooooooooood. You doo??? (momentarily knocked off course)…..So what you guys like to eat?
P: Double meat ball lasagne
Rich: say what?
P: Double meat ball lasagna
Rich: Scuse me?
S Points on the menu
Rich: Oh the larssaaaaarnyaaaaaaaa.
S momentarily tempted to do Pink Panther Clouseau “That is what he said” but determines this is stony ground territory.
Rich bounces off and returns with bread, screeching to a halt with the same awkward smile as before when he sees Sharman has stuffed P at noughts and crosses…..with the blue crayon.
We eat the bread and are only half way through it when main course arrives, we realize that the game of hangman in which P got well and truly hung is what held us up. We think Rich might have …. Kinda… gotten used to us by now but that nervous smile just won’t wipe from his face. We ponder on whether the double meat ball refers to they’re being meatballs inside and outside the larssaaaaarnyaaaaaaaa sheets or that it actually meant a double sized portion……
Conclusion:

P gets a doggy bag and indigestion.
Sharman surrenders the crayon reluctantly and is a little distressed that P can’t remember being taken in Waggama noodle bar (hangman). Rich resigns and joins Alcoholics Anonymous.


And last thing because you will be exhausted and bored by now….We have passed our Texan driving test (theory and practical). You get there at 7.30 in the morning, race for the desk. Get a sheet and sit in a queue in your car around the back of the building until you are at the front of the queue. You do 50 foot reverse and parallel park in front of all those others waiting to take their test (P mortified to be on public display), Sharman initially gleeful because she is last in the queue (because she failed the theory first time the day before…don’t ask). P waits in the car with her and we both watch in amazement as the woman two cars in front in the queue and possibly on camera, takes her hand brake off and lets her car roll backwards into the car behind….that currently tops the “seen it all list”!



Hope you like the picture of the apartment and views from it plus a view of the river down to Downtown.